Happy 4th of July!

2 nights of family and fireworks.

Grateful for the freedoms we enjoy and the men and women who made it all possible.

(Texas)

(Oklahoma)

5 Things To Do This Summer

The first week of summer is officially over... and I'm sitting here wondering what in the world I've accomplished.

I am a list person by nature - if I don't have a numbered, prioritized reminder of what I need to do each day, I feel ridiculously lost and unproductive.  Along the same lines, I really like setting goals.  And while my track record for actually completing said goals is debatable, the satisfaction of having made them in the first place is enough to make me feel like I'm doing something with my life.

So, here we are, a new season of life has begun (summer, stay-at-home-mom-ness), and I am feeling the urge to sit down and list my life away.  Usually my to-do lists and goals end up being an exhausting exercise in micro-managing my time and resources, so instead of trying to overcomplicate things, I've come up with just five things "to do" this summer, in no particular order...

1. Have Fun: So obvious, right?  I think most mothers of young children would agree, though, that sometimes you forget about having fun when every day is the same old-same old.  I remember last summer I became so weary of the daily monotony - morning jog, make breakfast, clean kitchen, laundry, clean something else, make lunch, nap time, laundry, clean something else, errands, make dinner, bath, bedtime, clean kitchen.  I was not very good at allowing myself to have fun each day, to enjoy the time I had with my baby boy.  It was still a great summer, but especially now that Jackson is older (almost 2!), I am realizing that there needs to be a little element of fun, big or small, every day.  The park, the pool, the splash pad, the library, the zoo.  A museum, an aquarium, an adventure somewhere new.  Making meals together, reading books together, playing with cars, blowing bubbles, building block towers and knocking them down, running around in circles (literally - he makes me run around the house with him), jumping on the bed.  For both of us, we need to have fun - not the overly-planned, super-elaborate, Pintagram-worthy kind of fun, but the ordinary, regular, natural, easy kind of fun.

2. Stay Active:  Last summer, Jackson and I went on a 2-mile jog first thing almost every morning.  Then school started.  Then I got pregnant.  Then school ended.  A + B + C = no exercise.  And yes, I am still pregnant, and oh, we are moving in about two weeks, but at some point the excuses have to stop, right?  If I can get in at least 30 minutes of some sort of physical activity each day, I'll be happy.  Even if it means 30 minutes of chasing after my child who has yet again run away from me (true story).  

3. Eat (Real) Food:  About three months ago, I simply gave up on making dinner for my family.  With the stress of teaching, being pregnant, buying a home, taking care of baby, and dealing with life, something had to go.  So making dinner went.  It was worth it to out-source that one meal if it meant I didn't have to worry about standing in front of the open fridge for ten minutes at 6:00 every night, wondering what in the world I was going to feed three hungry people.  So we learned to embrace take-out.  Now that school is over and I am not away from home for 10 hours a day, I don't really have an excuse not to provide some sort of nourishment that doesn't come from a box or a bag for my loved ones.  So having, preparing, and eating real food is a goal for me this summer.  Silly, I know, but when you consider that grocery shopping is my least favorite activity in the world (second only to folding and putting away laundry), this is going to be a challenge for me.  (And by food, I don't mean the overly-planned, super-elaborate, Pintagram-worthy kind of food, but the ordinary, regular, natural, easy kind of food.  Dinner staples in our house are hamburgers, chicken tacos, and pasta w/ meat sauce.  I have learned from bad experience that if it takes more than 30 minutes to make a meal, no one is happy.  Especially the one making it.)

4. Create Me Time:  This is really hard for me.  I forget to schedule/ask for/insist on/require/plan for time to take care of myself, and so I usually end up resenting others (husband, baby) for the perceived unfairness of never having time for my needs/wants.  Along the same lines of remembering to have fun every day, I need to remember to create my own me time. 10 minutes of reading a book just for fun, a quick power nap in the middle of the day instead of doing the dishes, not feeling guilty for playing a round of Two Dots while baby plays by himself, a pedicure once a month, 30 minutes spent learning something new (really want to experiment with bullet journaling, would love to finally figure out how to use my nice camera).  Above all, not feeling guilty for admitting that I can't do it all, that someone else needs to take over and handle the house, the child, the meals - I just need some time off.  (The Fringe Hours by Jessica N. Turner is a great reference for this kind of self-care.)

5. Don't Stress: Hmmm, maybe I should have listed this one first.  We just bought our first home and are in the middle of what has now turned into quite the remodel (new paint, new trim, new lights, new flooring, new doors, new pantry and laundry room).  We are supposed to be moving out of our current house and into the new one in two weeks.  I am about 30 weeks pregnant.  My 2-year old constantly runs away from me in public places (just yesterday at Wal-mart, no joke, he ran from the food aisles all the way to the opposite end of the store to the sporting goods section as I waddled behind him, softly yelling at him to stop, which he never did).  I am facilitating two sections of an online basic writing course for BYU-Idaho (20+ hours of work per week).  Stressing out comes fairly natural to me, so yet one more challenge.  I might need to have this tattooed on my forehead...

Or I just need to remember to have fun.  Which includes lots of "jump-a, jump-a!" on mommy's bed.

What have I missed?

I have been a high school English teacher for five years.  For the past two years, I have also been a mother.  I'm not gonna lie: it's been tough.  I know there are so many women that successfully work full-time outside of the home and are also amazing mothers to their children and incredible homemakers, but honestly I have struggled with being able to do it all.  At one point I had to accept that I would always be lacking in one area of my life (i.e.: cooking, cleaning) due to the demands and responsibilities of the other areas (i.e.: teaching, mothering, surviving).  It hasn't been ideal, but it's been a necessity in order to support my family.  

In two weeks, though, I will officially be a stay-at-home mom (er, rather, a work-from-home mom - online teaching is a wonderful thing!).  With Baby #2 coming in August, my husband and I knew that it was time.  It was a very bittersweet decision, but I feel very blessed that this will finally be a reality for me.

I've gotten a small glimpse of what "staying at home" will be like this past week as I've had to miss work to be home with a "sick" little boy (apparently it's bad parenting to send your child to day care with a rash).  Up till now, Saturdays have been my day to spend with just Jackson and I.  Unfortunately, I am usually so exhausted from the work week and also overwhelmed by all of the house things that need to be accomplished (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, organizing - everything neglected Monday-Friday), that I am not a very fun mommy on the weekends.

The two whole weekdays that I have spent with Jackson this past week, though, have been the best.  We made Belgian waffles for breakfast one morning.  We played with blocks and cars.  We spent an afternoon at Grandma and Grandpa's house.  We played with pots and pans, pouring water from one to the other.  We went to the park.  We played with bubbles... inside the house!  Throughout these two days of just the two of us, I've been reflecting on the past two years of not being able to stay home and asking myself the question: What have I missed?



I went back to work when Jackson was 7 weeks old, and during the school year he has been cared for by my husband, Grandma and day care.  I know I have been there for the big things: first crawl, first tooth, first walk, first talk.  But what about the little things?  What have I missed out on by not being home with my baby boy?

I've missed giggles and smiles.  I've missed getting him up in the mornings.  I've missed being able to wipe away tears.  I've missed establishing a daily routine.  I've missed learning opportunities.  I've missed hugs and kisses.  I've missed noticing personality traits.  I've missed doctor visits.  I've missed feeding him.  I've missed trips to the library and the park and the pool and the zoo.  I've missed making friends for both of us.

Jackson knows his mommy loves him, and I know that I am his favorite (sorry, daddy!), but part of me will always be sad that I missed so many of the little joys of his first couple of years.

The other part of me is just so grateful and happy and excited (and a little nervous) to be staying home with not only one baby boy, but TWO baby boys come August.  I foresee many more morning waffles and trips to the park in my future... and messes to pick up, and diapers to change, and dishes to clean, and laundry to wash, and mouths to feed, as well as cheeks to kiss, and hands to hold, and little bodies to cuddle.  I can't wait!

Motherhood Is...

Obviously this is a couple of days late, but these thoughts have been going through my mind since last Saturday.  From my own experience, this is what motherhood is for me right now, in no particular order.

Motherhood is being the last person to eat, and then never actually finishing your meal.

Motherhood is hearing your name screamed at you at least 200 times per day (this Family Guy clip is making a whole lot more sense now).

Motherhood is thinking that everything he does is the cutest thing in the world.

Motherhood is knowing that literally every surface in your home is probably covered in snot.

Motherhood is feeling lonely.

Motherhood is learning to never close your eyes when he is sitting on your lap because you never know when he will decide to throw his head back and break your nose.

Motherhood is repeating the same request 10 times in a row with absolutely no response or indication of compliance.



Motherhood is intentionally letting him make a mess on the floor with food or water or whatever because it is easier to clean it up than deal with the tantrum that would follow if you had said no in the first place.

Motherhood is crying all the way home from a trip to the grocery store with him and then vowing to never again put yourself through that trauma.

Motherhood is wiping boogers off his face with the underside of his shirt... or in the absence of a shirt, just using your bare hands.

Motherhood is being patient, and then losing your patience, and then yelling, and then feeling bad about yelling, and then asking for forgiveness and a hug, and then trying again the next day.

Motherhood is feeling inadequate in every way possible.

Motherhood is knowing that you are his favorite person in the world.

Motherhood is watching him color all over the walls, doors and windows because you are just so tired.

Motherhood is being proud of every milestone, no matter how big or small.

Motherhood is feeling your heart grow in capacity and strength everyday.

Motherhood is thinking that you are doing it all wrong.

Motherhood is being the only person who can calm him down when he's upset.

Motherhood is teaching him to say "please" and "thank you."

Motherhood is reading the same book over and over and over and over (I'm sorry, Dr. Seuss, but could your books be any longer?!).



Motherhood is just wanting him to grow up to be kind.

Motherhood is watching him take risks and wanting to protect him from the dangers, but also knowing that you have to let him learn somethings for himself and you can't protect him from everything.

Motherhood is singing him to sleep.

Motherhood is being amazed at how much he has already learned in his short life.

Motherhood is making funny faces and talking silly and playing games and all-around acting like a kid yourself.

Motherhood is thinking that everyone else is doing it right and has it all together.

Motherhood is letting him fall asleep on your shoulder every night and not really wanting to put him in his own bed because you love just holding him.

Motherhood is not understanding how such a little person can be so gosh darn cute.

Motherhood is realizing that you will never be able to talk logic with a toddler.

Motherhood is trying not to fall into the social media lie that everyone else's life is perfect and clean and fun and worry-free.

Motherhood is thinking that your almost 2-year old is a genius because he speaks in full complete sentences: "I did it!" "I want it!" (as a bonus, your English-teacher heart is so happy because clearly he understands subject-verb-direct object sentence structure).

Motherhood is an endless parade of dishes and laundry.

Motherhood is loving someone with "so much of [your] heart that none is left to protest."

Old photos from December 2015

Friday Selfies

Last year, as a way to mark the passing of each week of school, Baby J and I took a selfie on Friday morning before we headed out the door.  Similar to my daily outfit pics of a couple years back, it became something to look forward to, a fun weekly tradition.  J was not always a willing participant in my little project, but he humored me just long enough to get at least one decent shot.  Sure, my insistence of taking our picture made us late on more than one occasion, but I have no regrets - it was all for the sake of the selfie!

Anyways, it has taken me all summer to put this video together (old computer, new computer, long story), but finally, here is the finished product!  Thank you for watching and, like Jackson, humoring me for a couple of minutes.  And if you have any ideas or suggestions for what we can do this school year, please share!

Finding Balance

I am an amateur practioner of yoga. Actually, I don't know if following a 30-minute workout DVD once every couple of weeks constitutes as "doing" yoga, but whatever.  The few times a month that I break out the mat and work on my sun salutations, I reflect on the connections between the practice of yoga and struggles of everyday life: concentrate on your breathing, focus on your center,  reach out, and above all, find your balance.

Back in the day, I used to carry a pocket Moleskine journal in my purse, a place to write down lists, notes and thoughts.  Several years ago, I was visiting my oldest sister (a certified yoga instructor), and she led the family through a beginner's yoga class.  While talking us through the various poses, she said something that I wrote down later in my little journal, something that has stayed with me over the years: Balance is not the absence of movement.

I often have the mindset that "balance" in my life means that each responsibility (family, home, work,  health, church, etc.) is given equal time and weight, that each day is filled with equal measures of all activities.  To achieve ultimate balance, I need to accomplish tasks in each category on a consistent daily basis.  Anything less than that, and life is "out of balance" - a place where chaos and depression reign supreme.

Obviously, the only result of the above mindset is frustration and exhaustion.  And this is where my sister's words of wisdom have had so much impact on me.  Achieving balance in life necessarily requires movement: small daily adjustments, give and take, back and forth, trial and error, success and failure.

This realization has been transformative for me.  Finding and maintaining balance, then, is not a magical one time deal and Voila! You're life is balanced!  No; it's a work in progress.  It's a daily practice, a daily exercise in experimenting and figuring out what works and what doesn't.  And on the days when you find out what doesn't work, it's okay!  This thought gives you permission to fail, so long as you use those failures as the momentum to move you to a better place.

This thought also allows for those imperfections that so easily weigh on your shoulders and drag you down.  It's okay to not be perfect.  It's okay to not do all the things, all the time.  It's okay to let someone else take care of it.  It's okay to exercise one day and not the next.  It's okay to go to bed without having picked up all the toys in the house.  It's okay to leave the clean clothes in the basket for a day or two.  Or three.  (Or four.)

It's okay to work late sometimes because baby knows you love him, and you will have time together later.  It's also okay to not work late sometimes because your students know you love them, and you will have time to grade later.

The seasons of life are constantly changing, too, so what was important during one time period may not be important in another.  The activity or responsibility just simply gets put aside for a time or slowly phased out.

I guess the key word in that phrase is really movement.  As long as you are moving, hopefully forward and in a good direction, everything will be okay.

I will start my fifth year of teaching on Tuesday, and in years past finding the balance between the demands of work and home, others and self has been overwhelming, and at times seemingly unattainable. I am now looking forward to working on finding that balance each day.

I'm also looking forward to improving my Tree Pose.  It needs a lot of work...

Happy First Year and Other Happy Things

My baby boy turned 1 year old.  I know, I'm still trying to believe it myself.  One year has gone by so fast, I sometimes find it hard to remember a time when he wasn't wobbling around on his two little feet, babbling to himself and randomly clapping his little hands. I know many mothers who vocalize the wish that their little ones stop growing up, but I for one am so excited for J to keep on growing and developing.  Right now, for example, I can't wait for him to start talking.  I want to know what's going on inside that little curly head of his.  And while I realize that the conversation probably won't be that intellectually riveting for quite a few years, I am still anxious for the day when I will hear his voice.

For his birthday, we had a small party with family.  Much to my dismay, J was not interested in his birthday cake one bit, but the rest of us enjoyed it for him (orange and lemon, yum!).  He hit the jackpot with presents - toys and games with lots of buttons to push over and over (and over and over).  Seriously, those grandparents really know how to keep a grandchild entertained and drive a mother crazy!

I knew becoming a mother would be special, but what I didn't fully appreciate was how being a mother (or a father) is what helps you truly understand the nature of Heavenly Father.  As I look at my baby and witness his daily triumphs and failures, as I practice patience and love during those especially tough days, I realize that this is how God feels towards me, His child.  He laughs with me, He cheers me on, He mourns with me when I fall, He is patient with my weaknesses, and He loves me unconditionally.  I carry this truth in the back my mind as I strive each day to be the best mother I can be for my Baby J.

And one more thing!  For the past several years, I have been blogging over on Some Sort of Crazy.  That blog served me well during both very low times and very happy times.  I decided, though, that it was time for a fresh start, a clean slate, a blank page.  My hope is to begin a new chapter of thoughts and memories here on A Run in the Park.  I invite you to follow along through Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or an RSS feeder.  Comments and likes are always appreciated.  Thank you for reading!